What Was Promised Won't Happen Again;

December eleventh; 2017.
remember what tragedy happened
at the exact same time last year?

here's to the one who promised so much;

yet broke them all

fuck you.

Coping and Being Offended

Today I went home, wet in tears.
I forgot when was the last time I cried...
...because of a friend.

College life has started.

Meeting new people and having to deal with lots of characteristic are not simple. You must have some kind of strategies to prevent yourself from failing in society,

Take me as an example.

I'm not the kind of person who can build such conversation with new people. I often stay quiet until I find something similar with them or something comfortable to talk about. Things  would go worse when people's first impression about me gone wrong because.. I don't smile. In a new environment, I literally smile on pictures only.

The thing about the illustration above was: it's easier for me to filter the people I want to have in my life. I don't talk and smile much, therefore it's not easy for people to get close to me in a short time. And for me too. In my silence, I differentiate humans and their similarity with me.

3 months passed,
things have changed a lot.
I started to get (half) the hang of college and its shits. Having lots of assignments, reading, quiz, and I also started to filter the people I need in my life. There were many "groupies" I have been in until I finally found the "most comfortable" thing in a person.

But it doesn't stop there.

When you think you already found the one who suits you, it does not mean there won't be any disturbances you'll find in dealing with them. No matter how similar or maybe the same you are as them, still,
Do not yet put your hopes up.
Especially in a new environment.
Yes, we all want to have that place in a person where we can talk about everything and all our buried secrets and life stories. Hang in there, observe, then finally decide.

See them in their worst,
that way you can finally choose to open up.
"Will I ever be able to cope with this characteristic?"

Again, take me as an example.

As a person who took a pretty long time to analyse people's negatives and positives, I still find many challenges in coping with a person,
even that person is close.
Even that person is the one I am with everyday.
We have so much in common, we share the same things, we have the same experience, we talk about pretty much the same topics, and we also have the same perception towards things. It went for a long time until
one day,
I finally saw the worst in this person.

Considered as a stupid person who couldn't do anything as if I know nothing and worthless is the shit I can be most offended by.
And that was exactly what this person did.

...

My reaction towards it was the first three lines of this blog. Yes, I cried.
It was not expected at all. How would you feel when someone you consider "close" did something that breaks your heart the most? I finally thought of staying away...

But I did not.
Yes, I got so offended that I cried the fuck out until an Uber driver asked if I need a tissue. However, what we should note here is: "Will I ever be able to cope with this characteristic?"
We finally spoke, and there was a reason behind it. This is why, not all bad behaviour of a person is an absolute negative. There may be some reason behind their actions, then it's our choice to decide whether we should leave or cope with them.

And I choose to cope so.

'cause that's what I want someone does to me too.
_________________________________
Yogyakarta,
4th of December 2017. 3:01 PM.
First day of minggu tenang. *sipping ice tea on my bed*