I remembered it was on August 19th, 5 am in the morning. I was sleeping at my friend's because I finished an event a bit late at night so I wouldn't risk walking home from my bus stop. Plus no one's gonna accompany me to talk on the phone.
I remembered what happened right after. I could still feel the hurt that cut my chest-- that kind of hurt where it gets your whole body to ache. I opened my laptop and listened to Boyz II Men ft. Taylor Swift's "Two is Better Than One", a song I planned for my wedding day. Which I think won't happen, most likely. I absorbed the feelings, listened to the song, and mumbled the lyrics so that I don't wake my friend beside me. I cried. The kind of crying that babies do.
The second song was Ratu, "Baik-baik Saja". It was as if I was prepared, because that song had been going on my playlist since the past two weeks. Again, with the mumbling, I cried my pain out of the silent words.
I tried my best not to tell anyone because I know he's a good person, and I don't want to take that label off of people's head. He is indeed a good man, but maybe I'm just no suit for him. I'm too harsh, aye? Maybe if it wasn't me, it's not going to be a big deal. Maybe it would just be something that's easy to get over with. I'm kind of sorry it has to be me.
But it was painful, to be honest. I knew that he was the best man I could ever be in love with, but maybe I don't believe in that anymore.
I remembered it was on August 19th, I don't believe in love and honesty anymore.
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Brisbane, QLD
20th of August 2019. 2:51 AM.
