I Declare Peace - #DailyJournal

After a few days of being prisoned by sadness,
After I swell my eyes because I cried the fuck out of everything,

I can finally write this.

I decided to let it all go.
Let it all happen and flow.
I can finally start being happy.

I want myself to be comfortable with the situation I'm in.
I want my mind to be peaceful, at least.
So,
I declare peace. Upon the sadness and me.

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Today I got a text.
He asked for help and I helped.
I became sad again, but not for the same reason as before,
but,

It means he deleted the line "Missed call at 3:56 AM" on his bar name.
Bitj.
Well, he probably read my blog and that's why.
(If you're reading then hi, this is for you.)

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There was a thing that woke me up,
to become happy, and to accept everything.
It was a novel written by Tere Liye titled Tentang Kamu.

There was this one line:

"Aku tidak menangis karena sesuatu telah berakhir, tapi aku akan tersenyum karena sesuatu itu pernah terjadi." (I'm not crying because something had ended, but I'm going to smile because that something had once happened.)

I don't know whether it's me that's too "philosophic" or what, but it really brought the spirit for me to be happy.
It made me realise that, well, I should've been thankful because it has happened to me, rather than not having the chance to experience it.
And so here I am.
Being happy.

But how about my feelings right now? Do I still feel the same?
Well, it's obviously a secret. But, I think it's also very easy to guess what I'm feeling.

I hope I can be a better, happier, wiser, and kinder person. Just because one part of me broke, doesn't mean the rest are ruined. I might lose the half of me, but that doesn't mean I have to stop being happy and desperate.

It was his decision to end this (and indirectly mine too), so if that's what makes him happy,
then I sure am happy too. :)

___________________________________________________

Yogyakarta,
8th of November 2016. 9:23 AM.